Jack Bauer in London: 24 could be bad news for the capital city

24 – Live Another Day,

Jack Bauer’s arrival in London almost definitely spells bad news for the city. Let’s not forget that 24 is the show that once nuked a suburb of Los Angeles out of existence at 10am, only to completely forget that it had ever happened by lunchtime. There will be explosions. There might be an attack of weaponised nerve agent. You’d hope there’d be at least one bit where Bauer tries to cross a road and almost gets wiped out by an oblivious motorcycle courier. That’s just the sort of series 24 is.

This being an American production, we can probably expect many of the biggest sequences to occur in or around the city’s most famous landmarks. Earlier this week, Kiefer Sutherland, who plays Bauer, tweeted a picture from inside Wembley stadium, which suggests that Bauer is either going to spend some of his time in London watching the football or that there will be a scene where he somehow turns the arch into an ethically-unsound electrified torture device to injure terrorists on.

Another trope that 24 revels in is the slow poisoning of Bauer and his subsequent hunt for an antidote. There’s no reason why this couldn’t happen in the new series. Perhapsit could start with Bauer going on a Duck Tour and accidentally getting some Thames water in his mouth. He’s survived a prion weapon going off in his face, but getting over the bout of explosive gastroenteritis brought about by inadvertently swallowing liquidised rat faeces is another matter entirely.

And then, of course, there’s his daughter Kim, who spent most of the first few seasons blundering into one accident after another. Elisha Cuthbert is not listed as being one of the cast for this series, but that won’t stop us from wishing. If this series is going to be a success, she will need to make an appearance so that she can get her drink spiked by Danny Dyer or fall bum-first down an escalator or end up being cornered by some bins by a couple of randy foxes.

The London Eye will feature somewhere or other. There’s bound to be an office set in the Gherkin. But why stop there? Why not set the climactic moments in, say, Leicester Square’s M&Ms World or that Cool Britannia shop near Piccadilly Circus? Why not inexplicably make Bauer run through the London Aquarium or all the way through Madame Tussauds? Why not have a scene where he makes awkward small talk with Richard Branson? It’s Richard Branson, after all. He won’t need much convincing.

Finally, there’s bound to be at least one scene set on public transport. But where? The Mission: Impossible films and Skyfall have exhausted the possibilities of the tube and the red buses seem a little bit obvious. Maybe the producers will do something really brave and shoot an epic 10-minute chase scene set on the Emirates Air Line cable car. That’d be fantastic. Especially if they blow it up at the end. Here’s hoping, at least.

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